Another Letter for Lindy

Dear Lindy,

How are you doing, little mama? That baby is coming soon. I’m so excited for you.

I have some peaceful hours today, so I thought I’d add a little to our conversation about how to prepare for baby.

As I write each of these letters I am completely aware of what an imperfect mother and wife I have been. It does not follow that I have been a bad mother or wife, just human, imperfect, leaving plenty of room for grace. All the wisdom in the world, all the “right” plans and theories are left to be carried out by human, imperfect people. You will make mistakes with your baby. You will make mistakes with your kids. You will make mistake with your husband. Armed with the humility to say “I’m sorry” and “I was wrong”, you can usher in the Grace of God over your family by being willing to receive for yourself first. When you are humble enough to know your own shortcomings, your heart will stay soft of offer grace to those you love. I’m not advocating living in perpetual self-hatred. I’m challenging you to walk in the full revelation of your own need for Christ and the full revelation of His love and delight over you. Humility seated firmly under God’s victory and love cultivates the perfect environment for human love to thrive. It is not humility covered in self-pity or self-loathing; it is the kind of humility that lets God love you lavishly. When you are filled up by God’s lavish love “while you were yet a sinner” you can pour out that love to every little (and big) body in your home—even when they are “yet a sinner”. Nothing can separate you from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:38-39), not even a bad mama day. When you don’t let anything separate you from your receiving God’s love, you will be able to lavishly dispense that same love in your home.

A Mama’s Power

Proverbs 14:1 (NIV)
The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.

Lindy, I don’t ever want you to forget the power God gave you as a wife and a mother. Your tongue is one of the most powerful tools in the lives of those around you. With your tongue you can either build up your house, or with your tongue you can tear it down. I know you know that already. We’ve lived by Proverbs 18:21 as a community, “The tongue has the power of life and death.” However, I want to tell you about a pitfall of being new mom. I don’t want you to get tripped up.

Put simply: Your tongue will either make or break Dan as a Dad.

When we are new mamas there are so many things we are nervous about, so many little things we want to do correctly. Often times we’ve read books or articles about mothering and taking care of baby. We are totally insecure, don’t really know what we are doing, and are completely afraid to do something wrong. So pair nervous mama with overwhelmed and insecure daddy…what do you think you get?

Many, many times you get a little mama who starts to function in controlling ways and a little daddy who starts to retreat. With the best intentions, we as new moms tend to nit-pick our husbands and hover over them when they are with the baby. We make big deals out of little things. Over time, our husbands no longer feel like they are a part of parenting baby. They retreat in defeat and feel isolated in their own homes. Add another six months and little mama wonders why her husband never helps with the baby. She has no idea she tore him down every time he tried to help.

So, my friend, be a wise woman. Build your house. Build your man up. Put that baby in his arms. Let him have the success of calming baby down. Let him completely handle a couple of areas of taking care of baby. In our house, Eric tackles bath time and bedtime. When the babies were really little and too fussy for church Eric had them in the front pack and let me sit and rest. Don’t hover. Don’t fret. Dan is a great man. He’ll amaze you, if you let him. It might not be exactly how you would do it, but he’ll be brilliant in his own way. You’ll learn from him.

If you decide to major on the minor things, if you care what scent of soap is used or insist on dressing baby your way, you will be tearing down your house. Your words and actions will send a message to Dan. What message will it be? Will it be “Get out of the way, I know best.”? Or will it be “I trust you, babe, with my own life and with our baby.”?

Lindy, you are already a wise wife. I am confident you will not trip up very often. When you do trip and fall, remember how I started this letter. Nothing can separate us from God’s love. Be humble. Go low. And let the love of God lift you up again.

With love,
Carrie